Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Getting all my Ducks in a Row
Well..I have a feeling this will be my last blog entry for awhile...hopefully no more than a month or so but I can't make any promises...and I think it takes me like a month to update without a newborn to care for so..yeah..maybe longer. Yeah, I would count on much longer than a month. Anyways, we went to the last doctors appointment yesterday. Everything went well. Everything is still set up for the 9th of November. That's in five days people!! That doctors visit pretty much put it all in perspective for me. Made it real. I have been counting down for weeks now but when Jacob and I left there we kinda just stared at each other...then smiled really big and said, "Holy Cow Babe...we are about to have a little baby!" So my doctor gave us the map, told us where to park..what time we have to be there on Sunday for pre-op (sunday is going to be a busy day)and what time we have to be there on the baby's birthday. 5:30 a.m...and i know that probably sounds early to most but Jacob and I have already decided there is no way we are going to be able to sleep much the night before. Amber asked me today if I was nervous about the C-Sec. I am absolutely not nervous about anything. Honestly, I am more nervous about getting blood drawn Sunday morning at pre-op. I hate getting blood drawn. I am not nervous about the surgery, about the spinal tap. I just wonder not knowing if we are having a boy or girl, if it's taking most of my nerves away and replacing them with excitement or what..It's weird. I can't imagine it, but m aybe I will be more nervous closer to surgery time. I feel like I have to be strong for Jacob. Jacob is nervous about losing me...he always has been in a situation like this. And I don't want to make it worse. He called from work today and said he wasn't able to focus..his mind is just on baby and me. I love him! Poor guy.
Getting my ducks in a row is stressful. I have to pack for the kids, I have to pack for Jacob and I and make sure that this house is a clean house to bring a newborn home to. But Thank you God for Jacob! He told me to just make a list and he will get it done. So I did! I made a list and he is more than half way done with it. Although, I feel like any dusting or major cleaning we did do was all for nothing. I mean do you ever feel that way. Do you ever feel like you sweep and you mop and you dust just for it to look like it needs to be done again the next day? I cannot escape the dust in my house. It drives me insane!! Insane I tell you! Anyways..housework is getting done. Friday I will probably be packing the kids and Sunday I will finish packing Jacob and I. I can't wait for Sunday night. My mom is cooking dinner for all of us. My favorite, round steak, mash potatoes, gravy and green beans. I love her Round steak. I have tried and tried to match it but I can't. I finally realized there is a reason for that. It's hers and she cooks it for me..and it just reminds me of when I was younger and I love that!
This is probably going to be the last time I am pregnant. Lots of different reasons and most of you know what they are. And if you don't, it's the obvious. Three kids is a lot to take care of financially, emotionally and mentally. I wanted a love child with Jacob. He is the love of my life so it was inevitable for us to have a baby together but he is just as content with having one so that makes me happy. More than three C-Secs seems to be pushing my luck too. Although, I know that many women have done it and I have no idea what sort of shape my uterus is in..I still think 3 is enough for me. I know a lot of people get sad when they know they are done and see pregnant women. Maybe it's mostly the people that can't get pregnant anymore..and I can't begin to pretend to understand that. I am not in that place yet. But the thought of not being pregnant, does not make me sad. I am excited about having this baby but I'm also excited about being able to focus on raising my family. It is not at all because I didn't enjoy my pregnancy. This pregnancy, for me, has been an absolute blessing and joy and the only reason for that is because of my husband. Jacob, as you all know, has been a God send to me in every aspect of my life. But this pregnancy thing was a new venture that we took on. I didn't know what to expect. I'm getting deep here but my previous two pregnancies were not as enjoyable. I did not have the same loving feeling as I do with Jacob. So I was a little fearful to say the least but, once again, Jacob has proven me wrong. The thing is, Jacob always proves me wrong. Time and time again, he shows me what real love is. And he has loved me from beginning to end. He has loved my belly and all my hysterical, emotional tears, he has endured my mood swings, he has become more understanding of me than he has ever been. I have never felt so beautiful in such a different way than the last 9 months. I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin than in the last 9 months. It is a wonderful feeling and for that I just want to tell my husband that I love him with all my heart and soul and how I love my life so much and I owe it all to you and your beautiful heart. Okay well I will tell him that..cause he probably won't read this unless I ask him to. Although, every time he made me listen to some country song...completely unforgiveable while I was pregnant. Sorry I had to lighten the mood there!! I know I tell you all I am miserable, and I am..right now but I don't mind the misery. I know it comes with the territory, I know its at the end and I know that it's all for a good reason. So he makes it all tolerable I guess.
*Sigh* well now that I got that out of the way...So we have a lot of things to do before Sunday!! I need a nursing bra..(yeah I know), I need to get some pj pants (did I say I need them..I meant I want them), we have a birthday party to make an appearance at so we need to get a gift for that and then the packing and finish the cleaning..and I love busy days...only when having a baby follows the very next day. Makes it all go by so much faster doesn't it?
I asked my doctor if she REALLY didn't know what we were having. Like REALLY didn't know, like it wasn't in the chart at all? And she looked at me and actually said, "What? You have gone all this time and now you want to know!" Haha..I said no, I was just curious if you really had no idea. She reassured me she really had no idea. Then she said, but my gut says you are having a girl. And then she gave me a swine flu shot. Haha! I was so going to deny it but I talked it out with her..and then jacob called my smart best friend Brian and made sure it was something he would have his pregnant wife do. (it's a long story) Basically, she put it like this, since we cant protect everyone else from the swine flu we are going to protect your baby from the world. And apparently 5 days is long enough for the baby to build up an immunity from it, that and my breast milk, so I feel better about that. I also, wouldn't do it unless they had the single dose, mercury free ones. That was something I wouldn't give on. Again, Brian, thanks for all your intelligence and research. I love you!! You rock! So..if your pregnant and reading this (Graham - haha!) then be sure, if you choose to get the shot, that it's the single dose, mercury free one. I tried to get out of it because I only have five days left, you other pregnant women have more time...Which..makes me kinda smile!!! Like an evil smile!! Oh I'm sorry...that was mean.
RANDOM STUFF -
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth - Jackson lost his other front tooth. He is absolutely adorable with his two front teeth missing now. His other teeth will be grown in completely in a week I swear it.
Pumpkin Patch - We took the kids to the pumpkin patch this year. Well I mean we do every year but this year, since we didn't have the kids for halloween, I almost wanted to skip out on it. I'm glad Jacob didn't allow that to happen. We got some cute pics and they had fun. It was muddy too but we just let them get their socks muddy and run around and they loved it! The bees sucked though~
Crystal Michelle Ashmore - Goodness gracious that girl has the absolute worst luck. I just want to say that I thank God for healing her kids and for healing Crystal. We were all really worried for awhile there. And I'm also super duper happy that she can come see me at the hospital, and that she is not contagious!! Okay that was selfish. I know. But I can't help it..I am happy about that.
Ella's theory on how God makes people - On our way home from church - "Momma, I know how God makes people..He takes a head and pours blood into it and then He takes a body and pours blood into that and then He puts them together." What are they teaching these kids in church these days? hahaha!! I just agreed with her..I didn't even know where to begin.
Friends..One is Silver and the other Gold - So I have been thinking about Friends a lot lately, in the last few months mainly. I think as human beings we have a need for close, intimate friendships that go beyond our spouses or family. But I also think, as we get older, the friends we choose to have in our lives are much closer to our equals than we think. I don't think we work as hard to keep the friendships that are one sided or that we have to work so hard at keeping. Why would we? What a waste of time and energy. Especially when you can have those friends that love you for who you are, for all your faults and admire all that is good about you. Friends that need you, as much as you need them. Friends that show you how much they love you and don't just assume you know. Friendships are not effortless by any means but the time you do put in should not feel like time. It should be something that you want to do and something that you feel like is reciprocated from the other end. I feel very blessed to have the friendships that I do in my life. I don't have very many and I am very happy with that. Mainly because I know that the friends that I do have are just that, my actual friends. My equals. They love me as much as I love them. They put forth the effort and our glad to do so, just like I do. I have old friends that I have had for years and years and I cherish those friendships so much and all the memories that I have with them. I don't have that with too many people but I love what I have with them. My newer friendships I feel like I have had for years. I feel loved. I feel appreciated. I feel like I am their equal. That they love me no more and no less than I do. That they do not feel like they are better than me and that they do not judge me. They don't keep me around for selfish reasons. They are my friends and they are beautiful on the inside. And that's the most important thing of all!
Sister - I just had to put a shout out to my sister cause, besides Jacob, she is my bestest friend. And I'm so happy for you and your family. The new house is awesome! And you deserve it!
Love you all..and Mamo..I'm so glad you read this!!